Wednesday, November 30, 2011

White Christmas, Black Friday

For the first time in my life, I decided to attend a Black Friday sale last week. Usually this is a weekend long event that I spend locked in my house working on homework, projects, and what have you instead of elbowing my way through the sales racks.  This was my first Thanksgiving as a non-student so I thought, "What the heck! I'll give it a shot!" I'll admit, I've been afraid to venture out into the public most Black Friday weekend sales before and I may think thrice about doing that again.

Well, this year I was in the market for a new T.V.  Dad gifted me with a tube television when I graduated high school and it's time for it to retire. It works really well. It's just that, well, the thing is huge and heavy. There's also that slight problem that it only functions with a VHS tape in the VCR otherwise it makes this horrifying grinding noise and shuts off. Funny that I have to keep said tape in there because...it doesn't actually play tapes. Go figure. I guess my VCR just wants to munch on one.

So I picked myself out a nice T.V. at Target. I saved my pennies and watched the sales. I also had a $100 gift card to Target that I've been holding on to for over two years so I could buy something big and long-lasting. In short, I was ready to shop!

Thanksgiving night, Dad and I hopped in the car and headed out to Target for their mid-night opening. I needed a body guard and Dad said he was up for the adventure. Armed with a thermos of coffee and our White Christmas spirit, we patiently waited in the winding line outside while they let small groups in every few minutes. As we walked in, it became very apparent that MANY other people had been waiting for these dales as well.

We dodged cart after cart of crazy shoppers hurrying through the store. The lines were nuts, tons of folks jumping around with the arms loaded down and kids loose in the aisles. Oh kids. Dad and I waited in the electronics line for over an hour with this annoying eleven year old child yammering on and on about who knows what. A mixture of excitement for being out past his bed time and the impatience of a never ending line added up to his enthusiastic chatter. 

On a side note (and I have to remember this or else I feel I'd forgotten the joy of Christmas spirit entirely.), Sir Talksalot's mother was farther ahead in the electronics line than we were. She kept saying to her son they were out of the iPod Touch players that he wanted. He was bummed, however, my elfish self spotted that his mother pulled a clever Santa Mama move. She had the lady in front of her pay for the iPod Touch for her kiddo to make it look like they ran out just before she could pay. Props to you, Lady. I bet you have a tough time keeping surprises from your freakishly talkative kid. He's going to be so excited come Christmas morning. I'm glad I don't have to hear about it. 

Anyway, back to the story. After waiting for over an hour I find out that Target ran out of my sales T.V. For real. No Santa fibbing. Sad day. I told Dad our unfortunate news and he braved the crowds to badger the employees and find out if there any were in in the back. Sure enough there were AND there were even some abandoned in carts along the aisles. What luck! 

We tell our happy cashier the good news and she looks at us like we're cracked, as if to say, "Girl, you boo-boo crazy! Sales T.V.'s left? Hah! Fat chance!" Then she tells me they're definitely out of T.V.'s and I should not have waited in THIS line for over an hour, that there was NO line for the sales T.V.'s. They were in women's intimate apparel the whole time. Women's imtimat...what the heck?! WHY DIDN'T I KNOW?!?! Of course. The T.V.'s should be in women's intimate apparel. Who wouldn't look for T.V. amongst bras and panties? Silly me. 

She informs me that I should have known where to get them because there were maps at the front of the store when we entered. Daddy's face at this point is priceless. 

"What maps?" I ask. "These maps," she says as she waves a green piece of paper in my face. At this time, Dad's coffee buzz has worn off. "A T.V. is an electronic. Why aren't they here in an electronics? If a T.V. is not an electronic, then what the hell is an electronic?" Good deduction there, Daddy-O. I was wondering the same thing. Still, the cashier just shimmes her little map at us. 

Squelching down the desire to bounce her head on the counter like a basketball, I calmly say to her, "Well, I'm here now. What can do you for this paying customer?" Oh but she can't do anything for me because I waited in the wrong line, I didn't have a map! Nothing can be done because I didn't have a map! 

For Pete's sake! This map is apparently akin to the Holy Grail! I can't do anything without a fancy, dancy green map! No longer sad, I am now Hacked with a capital "H." By this time it is 2:30 in the morning, my Christmas happy has left the building. So I did what any true-blue Black Friday shopper would do. Devoid of any Christmas spirit, I marched off to an abandoned cart, asked if the T.V. belonged to anyone (No, it did not.), and hauled it back to the cashier and said "RING ME UP! Please." 

The black cloud that settled over my head in what should have been a fun shopping experience was entirely too much for this Christmas elf to handle. Yes, I got my sales T.V. I succumbed to my inner animalistic shopper and nearly took out  a cashier. But by golly, I got my T.V. And Daddy only cursed twice. Quietly. 

For fear of ever coming in contact with my inner South Pole elf, I believe I will not be venturing out to a Black Friday shopping spree in the future. For real. 



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