Last week I received some very exciting news. Upon completion of my thesis production, Imagine This!, I underwent two days worth of defense analysis with my committee. I am now pleased to announce that the production was deemed successful, which means the production passed.
YAY! YAY! YAHOO!! YIPPEE!!
This was such a relief to hear because, well, it determines whether I stay and re-do my entire thesis project or graduate and continue on with my adult life. Now that the verdict is out, I feel like a new woman. No, really. I've got more pep in my step, a lighter load to bear, and I can honestly say, I feel a little more like myself. From here on out, I'm working on editing the thesis so it can be published and finishing up my last academic class. Sweet relief.
It's always around this time that people start asking, "so, what's next?" I can't help but get a little nauseous when this questions pops up because for once, I really don't know. Continuing on with graduate school was fabulous because it 1) gave me an extra year and a half to figure that answer out, 2) gave me purpose and direction towards my goals and 3) allowed me to have live the life of a student for a little bit longer.
Ain't an option any more. That is, unless I get my doctorate, but homegirl here is dog tired and that idea will wait until way down the line. As I sit and edit my thesis, I continue to ponder where I'm going to go and what am I going to do now. I'm trying to get on board with the notion that the unknown is exciting. Here's my biggest dilemma so far. When do I move out of my apartment?
I'm sad to say that my lease runs up in December and I will have to leave my perfect slice of heaven. I can't even believe. Every time I think about packing up my home and moving away from the best apartment in the world, I get a little weepy. I had friends over for dinner this weekend and I gave an abbreviated story of why I love my house.
Back during my sophomore year, when I was a fearless little thing, I had a very simple dream of some day living in a beautiful little house with a perfect kitchen. The cabinets would be white and glass covered so I could display the colorful dishes I would someday own. I could see myself having coffee and working on a crossword puzzle at the kitchen table as my faithful furry companion sat by my feet. I could keep going, but suffice it to say, I had a dream of my perfect home for just little ol' me.
This represented so much more for me than just a place to sleep. It was a whole representation of the start to my own life, making my own nest, and finding my own way. When I decided to move out of the dorms the summer I started the grad program, it was a way of beginning again and separating myself from the old. Let's just say that summer I needed something good to happen. I really needed a fresh start and finding a new place to live was the perfect answer. That's when I found my apartment (and Pyro Man, but he's another story).
After days of searching online, I came across the website of this historic apartment complex. I drove past the complex and felt my heart start to pound. I walked through the door of my now home and instantly fell in love. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and more.
I've settled in, found places to put all my things, got my colorful dishes, created my own weird way of organizing stuff, and made my nest. Of course I'll miss my beautiful French doors, the three closets I use for my clothes, and the creaky hardwood floors. I'll miss my tiny kitchen with it's gas powered stove, the glass paned cabinets, and the built in bookshelves. I'll miss everything. Mostly I'll miss this independence.
Sure, I've made the occasional mention of being slightly lonely when I'm by myself there, but it's the ability to live on my own that makes me feel like hey, I am strong and independent. There's something in being able stand on your own two feet and it's been a lifelong goal to be able to do that. I'm not ready to give that up and move back in with my parents. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of pro's to that situation. I just don't know the next time I'll get the chance to experience this unique time in my life.
What's really funny is I remember Mom and Big Sister saying to enjoy this time I've had to live on my own, enjoy the time I've had in being on my own. At this point, I'm wishing I had savored that time a bit more. So here's the real question:
Do I move out in December after graduation or do I move out in January?
I can move back to Dallas and start hitting the pavement for job as soon as I'm done OR I can come back up to OKC in January and do that same thing. What do I do? The band aid approach and just say goodbye now to my single self life in my perfect little apartment? Or do I drag it out for two weeks in January, allowing myself time to pack, grieve, and find work?
Tough decision. Honestly I need some help so please, which would you choose, dear readers? I need advice.