Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Promise to Myself

Today is October 6th. I have exactly 9 days until the show opens, 21 days until the first defense of my thesis takes place, 22 until the second defense, and 72 days until I graduate.

Holy. Cow.

I never though I would actually get to the point where the count down was less that 100 days. Later this afternoon I'm supposed to go pick up my graduation gear. Cap and gown, cards, thank you notes, etc. It has felt like a million years just waiting to get to the semester, this last one where I will finally be graduating for good. Except, here's the funny thing, it hasn't been that long since I graduated with my bachelors. In fact, only a mere 17 months ago I walked the stage. Truly, this has been a whirl-wind affair.

I keep thinking repeatedly that things will slow down and I'll have more time after the show opens, and I will. Time for what? Well, I'm working on my list. There's just not a whole lot of time to find a job yet. I suppose I'm going to have to get used to the fact that I may very well be jobless when I graduate and I'm going to have to be real OK with that real quick considering that's just around the corner. There's time, there will be auditions and I have loving parents who will let me move back home, but that doesn't really stop me from searching continously.

I'm a planner--this has been said time and time again, but I am. I have known exactly what I need to do to get from point A to point B to point C and so forth all my life. Every goal I had, there would be steps in place to get me there. I knew at age nine that I wanted to be the captain of the drill team when I was a senior in high school. So I did everything I knew every captain did to get there. I did cheerleading, I did a dance team, I took kick classes, I did solos, I took ballet to beef up my technique, and when I finally got close to acheiving this dream of mine, it changed direction.

And so with that new dream, I made plans, I plotted, I had a blue-print of it all. Some how, I ended up here and I'm grateful every day that I did. Life happens, this I know. Sometimes it throws you for a loop and changes the direction in which you thought you were going to go. We had a professor who gave us a nice reminder that sometimes you end up where you never thought you'd be, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I just wish I had a road map of my life to tell me where that is...exactly. Hmmm, I guess I'm not that much a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of girl.

In any case, I'm fighting a losing battle by wishing for that magic road map (But really, Lord, if you're feeling helpful in the next few months, I'd love for one of those to appear in my lap. Thanks.). I do, however, believe that I can help myself out by making a few promises to myself:

I promise to myself to make it a daily ritual to search for a job. Really. I will look on every site for every teaching position out there and anything else that interests.

I promise to keep all my options open and never wet-blanket any idea.

I promise to have a little more faith in my own abilities and my own strengths. I am ready for this adult life.

With that, I promise to try being a little more adventurous and not so scared. I have to put myself out there if I want to reap the benefits.

I promise to keep myself in fighting form. I have to keep up my body, my good habits, my voice, my social networks, etc. As Jo Rowan says, "Good luck is preparation meeting opportunity." I will make that opportunity for myself.

It's not a lot of nit-picky stuff, but it's something that I can do every day to help myself get moving in the right direction, hopefully towards the beginning of a great career.

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