I feel it coming on, the desire for something more and the upcoming promise for a brand new future.
As I'm working on my thesis, I decided since my graduation is mere months away that it would be wise to see what is out there in the job market. So I've been busy reconnecting with friends, picking their brains about jobs, auditions, shows, and whatnot. I've been searching online for internships and possible teaching internships just to see what's available. The mind reels as I find unlimited possibilities.
"Say wha...? There are jobs out there?!" Why yes, there are! Keep in mind I'm not narrowing my focus in any one direction. I'm looking ALL OVER. Cruise ship auditions, theaters in just about every entertainment city, internships for foundations and magazines, teaching positions at universities, art schools, and high schools. You name it, I'm looking into it. Who knows what will end up working out and what won't, but I am determined not to limit myself in the search. I think limiting the possibilities is defeating myself before I've even begin.
As I'm looking at all these places I'm reminded of plans I made in my heart my senior year of college. Some are still the same and some are not, I'm finding they morph with just about every major experience I have had in the last year and a half. I had thought about moving to Chicago at one time, wondered about the possibilities of moving to the East Coast for a change of pace and scenery. I considered taking a job in Vegas or actually accepting one of cruise ship contracts I was offered. All of these are still possibilities and yet, I've been making settling choices in my mind since starting grad school. I feel a bit pulled in two different directions as far as where I want to be and where I want to go. It kinda pulls on the heart a bit and I'm not liking that.
I've been seriously considering heading back to the Dallas area for a long time. It's a very safe choice right now. My family is there, I know the area and am familiar with it so I know what my job options are. I've been thinking about how nice it will be to find a home, setting up house, having Honey cat with me to keep me company and having a good steady job. I'd love to be close to friends where I meet up with my girlfriends for a girl's dinner and maybe actually see Pyro Man more than just once a month. Really, there is nothing wrong with these things--they still sound like a heavenly plan to me and I still deeply want all that...
I've been getting that itch. The little feeling that maybe, just maybe I might want to try something new and go a little farther from home for a job. Or two. Just to see how it is. I don't have to move half-way across the world or anything, but I wouldn't mind having a good adventure just to have one. For the past five and a half years I've been so serious in my studies that I never took the options to go have an adventure. Now I'm thinking that excitement sure does sound nice.
I've always had a plan. I like plans. I love lists. I like knowing what's coming around the corner because I like being prepared. It's a security thing. Plus the fact that I've had a plan for my life up until graduating from grad school, I mean, that does shape the kind of person you become. I've known what steps to take to get to where I wanted to be. And now I've got the whole world open to me and I'm not sure I want to jump right back home without at least trying for something more.
Maybe its the excitement that my friends are starting new jobs right now. Maybe its the fact that so many of them have started some incredible journey in their life and I'm ready to shake up my norm. Perhaps I just like the sound of just living somewhere new. Perhaps its because I don't want to look back ten years down the line and say, "geez, I wish I had (Fill in Adventure Here)." Could be a mixture of it all. All I know is that I want to be happy with whatever I am doing and I have a feeling that if I don't take full advantage of this opportunity now, I will regret not having at least given a good effort to try.
So that, my friends, is why I'm not limiting my search. Who knows if I'll get anything I'm looking at now but I'll be darned if I stand between me and the adventure that's waiting for me on the other side of graduation.