Sunday, April 18, 2010

No-Woman's Land

I took a trip this afternoon to a place I don't think I'll be returning to any time soon. A place full of objects and doo-dads I have no use for in the near future: Lowes.

Yes, I'm working on a little "hardware" project for my choreography II piece and I HAD to go to Lowes today. First of all, I have never taken a solo trip to this store before. More often than not I've entered this hardware haven with my father to accompany him on some sort of mission and while he was picking out the perfect tool, I was making use of the GIGANTIC aisles to practice my dance, naturally.

I'm in need of small wheels with brakes for a garment rack that's doing a bit dancing on it's own and that is unacceptable according to my panel--I guess they're afraid it might smack into one of my dancers while they're twirling around. Go figure, I would consider than impromptu comedy. Anyway, when I realized that I was going to have to make a hardware trip, I couldn't help but cringe.

Ladies, I fear I am that girl. You know the one. She has all the tools but never has had to use them because someone else is usually there to "help" (i.e. take over). Let me explain, my sister bought me a tool kit for my high school graduation. Not just any kit, a pink tool kit. Does it get some use? Why of course, but never by me. Karley's father ended up using it every time he was in town and then the roomies would borrow it for some reason or another. Dad of course has used it foccassionally when Mom coerced him into fixing something within my apartment. If the pink tool kit was not enough, my dad also bought me a hot pink drill and another cordless one with bits.


And OK, yes, I was a management student so I had to pick up a tool now and again to help with stuff, but really, it was nothing that extensive. I have a very BASIC, and I stress BASIC, understanding of tools. In my wildest dreams it would be nice to know how to fix anything on my own, to be that woman instead of this girl, who was thinking all of this while standing in the pouring rain staring at the big blue Lowes sign, praying I don't have to go in.

I enter and it smells like metal, paint, woody stuff, not a hint of anything I would remotely shop for. Oh sweet jeebus, I'm going down. I feel like a fish out of water in this store big time and I ain't liking that one bit. Fortunately for me I have a great lost look. While I'm wandering around the front of store (because my chicken self wouldn't move further than the front door) a hardware hero comes rolling by with a dolly and says the sweetest thing,:

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

"OH GOD YES!" *chrip chirp*

"*AHEM*I mean, yes, please."

Nice Hardware Hero proceeds to listen to my crazy curious inquiry, then leads me down aisle after aisle all of home repair equipment, lumber boards and displays of every light fixture you can imagine. My mind is reeling with everything that's available including do-hickies and thinga-ma-bobs. "I'll take five of each!" Oh wait, scrach that, I have no idea what half these hinges are for anyhow.

Hardware hero finds a whole section devoted to wheels. Big black ones, short metal ones. Some with brakes, some without. Some that look a little complicated for me to put on all my lonesome. "Yeah, just drill a hole a bit smaller than the screw then thread it in and you should be good to go! Good luck on your show!" Holy Hannah...I have to do this myself, too. Reality hits.

Exit the Hardware Hero, enter the Freneticism. There I am, totally dwarfed by the huge shelving containing every wheel created including the original stone age variety. I have to drill another hole? Oh geez, I'm starting to sweat. Didn't he hear me when I said it was cheap Wal-Mart rack? Apparently not. *SIGH* There's got to be a simpler way of doing this.

Did you know wheels can cost $5 a pop? Adding up four comes to $20 making those wheels already two times the amount my garment rack is worth which only confirms my suspicions that this trip was a total and complete waste. And yet here I stand, petrified to move because well, I'm lost. Lost in Lowes and I can't even pull off a good exit here.

Good grief.

Well, I still have no solution for fixing my dancing garment rack but I will come up with one. One that's cheap and definitely not going to cause me absolute misery. I have this great ability to plan and brainstorm but when it comes to building said objects, aboslutely no clue--well, that's not true. I know who to go to so I can ask for "help" with the handiwork.

However, that might change--maybe this is a small blessing rather than yet another awkward challenge for myself. Perhaps I may learn that I'm quite a handy person and that there's hope for me yet...I just have to take that first step in order to learn how to build and create...all by lonesome.

One small brake wheel for my garment rack, one GIANT leap for my inner handy-woman!


  1. I love your adventure stories. :) That sound very similar to mine in several cases. I know you can find the inner handy-woman in your. :) I can't wait till we can get lunch or dinner so we can catch up! I miss you!!

  2. Aw, thanks, Casey! I've been keeping up with all your adventures!! Can't wait to see you, too :)


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