Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wants

"I want! I want! I want! Me, me, me! Now! Now! Now!"

Hook, anyone? OK, so maybe my wants aren't exactly meant in the childish fashion that our dear Captain Hook was referring to, but I do find myself dreaming of so many things that I want.

I want an adventure, something that will sweep me to another location for a job or even just for my own pleasure. The excitement that entails in the planning and the traveling process, even the journey to the destination itself are all equally as thrilling as the time spent at said location or event. As of right now my twin sorority sister, or Wombie as I affectionately call her, is on her way to Africa! How amazing of a trip would that be? Last summer she was able to live in California for an internship and even traveled to Italy with mother as a 50th birthday gift.

I feel like Saundra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping (One of my favorites!). I have a passport with absolutely no stamps in it whatsoever, only the dream of some day filling it up. At least I don't carry it around in my purse all the dang time.

Many of the undergrads are getting ready for OCU/NYC, a workshop put together by OCU alumni in the NYC region. Students go up to the Big Apple and take classes, listen to lectures from agents and working performers and have master classes with some Broadway stars. Lucky enough for me, I was able to pull funds together to go my junior year and had a great time. Learned how to ride a subway all my lonesome, what a big kid moment that was for me. I was traveling with my roomie, Karley, and one night she informed me that she was going to another class in a different part of town. Meaning I therefore had to ride the subway BY MYSELF late, late at night.

Oh. My. Stars.

First of all, I relied on Karley to lead me through the city because she'd lived there the summer before with her sister and knew her way around without much help from a map. Second, the subway terrified me--I still don't really care for it. It's crowded, underground, and every slasher movie always has someone mugged or killed in the cars. No thank you, ma'am. I think not for me. Oh, and right before she departed for her other class she told me, lovingly, "Just don't look anyone in the eye, Julie. You've got innocent eyes."

Dear, God, I'm gonna die.

But I didn't. Somehow I was able to navigate myself to the correct stop, get on the correct line to Brooklyn. I plugged in my ear buds from my iPod, no music playing of course, and re-read the same sentence of my book for the entire half hour ride home. Then I proceeded to sprint from my stop the entire five blocks or so distance to the apartment I was staying, barricaded myself in my safe haven and clutched my heart to keep it from flying out of my chest. But by golly, if I didn't make home in one piece.

Yeah, I highly doubt my future plans entail me moving to a city I run around in like a scared rabbit. I'm a tad bit of weeny plus I can't imagine living where the sky is filled with massive buildings and instead grass, it's always growing concrete. Don't get me wrong, NYC is great. I just can't imagine making my home there--in no way do I feel as if my soul was satisfied staring out my window into a sea of skyscrapers and shove my way down overcrowded streets where I can't look a person in the eye.

See this is how my thought process goes these days--I dream up something that sounds wonderfully adventurous like travel and then I branch off into some story, somehow. I blame the immense amounts of caffeine and inability to catch up on some much needed Z's. In any case, my wants go beyond the desire for an adventure and stretch into some simple things like wanting to clean my apartment or shopping for a dress. Someone please help me remember what it was like not to wear leotards, tights, and sweats 8 days a week. I meant 7. Oh for crying out loud. I need rest!

But I digress. Wants. Ah, it is only in human nature to have such wants and desires for various things, to be so glutenous in wanting more than what we have been given or worked hard for. Be it traveling to far away lands or to have a typical life of a "normal" person (Really, what is normal? I mean normal as in someone who knows what its like not live in a theater, to wear real people clothes and have an evening out with friends. But would I be satisfied in that life? Don't think so, but that's a debate for another day, I think). Or even the funds to support lavish dreams of new wardrobes or extra time to read a good book outside on a beautiful day. It's hard not to look at friends, more especially acquaintances, and wish for what they have. Can't I graduate in May, too? Can't I be making those plans, too? Why can't I be getting paid to dance like she is?

"Grass is always greener on the other side." Or is it? Sitting here on my side of the fence I have to remind myself those wants will come to be when it's time and I might be lucky enough to gain some things I hadn't anticipated. You never know what tha challenges someone else must face and what silent blessings you've been given that they don't have (Read: Family, friends, love, health, happiness, etc.). So instead of pulling a kid moment, stomping my foot and pouting in my party dress *ahem-costume-ahem* because I can't have the things I want right now, I have to change the way I see things. I forget that somewhere out there is probably someone wishing they could be standing where I am, doing what I'm doing, wishing for what I have just as I have been doing. And with that thought, I gently remind myself that tired though I may be, I wouldn't trade this life for anything.

And speaking of tired, I think I'm going to need a nap today. As my Grandmother put it "Je pas pleu an tete de an aleumet!" (I don't have the head of a match!) Or something like that...Happy Thursday!

2 comments:

  1. Even at my highly advanced age of 30, I often struggle with the idea of wanting to leave and go while trying to appreciate all that I presently have. Your observation about a sort of "New York" syndrome that so many of your peers have (for my peers, it's Austin) is spot on. We sometimes mistake a place that's great for vacation with a place that's great to live. And if we DO acknowledge that important difference, we punish ourselves because by so many other people's standards, we're not being adventurous enough with our life. Anyway...I love this blog and I'm a faithful reader and will continue to be. I've missed you and look forward to catching up with you soon, Julie!

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  2. Oh, Rob! I appreciate that, thank you! I miss you very much, hoping the next time you're in town is for longer than a weekend. Please let me know so we can go grab a bite to eat and catch up!

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