Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Life w/o Sleep

There are certain tell tale signs that a person is lacking in sleep. For those of us who ignore said signs or truly are so tired that we are blissfully ignorant of the red flag waving in front of our faces, we embark on perhaps some of the most peculiar moments.

Peculiarity #1: I set myself up to study Sunday for my one and only final test, the rest being, of course, massive projects. Somehow while typing up the additional paper for this particular class I made the grave mistake of closing my eyes...I was out cold for a good 40 minutes before my saving grace of a boyfriend just happened to call and wake my butt up (Thank you, boyfriend, for your impeccable timing.) Back to work I go, furiously writing all I can about modern dance while simultaneously trying to remember names of foreign choreographers and their successes/failures, pupils, and whatnot. And I did yet another stupid thing. I closed my eyes again. This time there was no phone, no alarm, no rambunctious neighbor to stir this sleeping beauty. No, I woke up three hours later to my house lights brightly shining, cold cups of coffee on the table, and a candle STILL burning (it's a miracle I didn't set something on fire--I've left my house twice this week with one still burning. My poor guardian angel must look like she's been through the ringer...). The heavenly glow of my Christmas trees illuminated my body sprawled out on the couch, mouth wide open for catching flies, clutching my History of Dance notes as if I'll learn anything through osmosis. I thank my lucky stars no one had a camera to capture that "breath taking" view of me.

Peculiarity #2: I have come to realize that without much rest a person begins to lose the ability to comprehend their own native language. For the past week I have had to ask people to repeat what they've said multiple times because I swear they are speaking a foreign language. That and it takes about five minutes for a statement to process. Proof--While trying to fix my hair, a hopeless mess right now, in the ladies room last week, my fellow MFA lady, Cassie, began telling me a story. I looked right at her, made sure to pay attention and hang on her every word, conscious smile and nod appropriately when necessary. Did it help? Heck no! I stared at her for a minute after she finished before finally giving up. "Um, Cassie, I'm sorry. Could you repeat that again?" "Sure, what part?" "Oh you know...the whole thing..." Nothing sticks.

Peculiarity #3: While waiting on my cast of ladies to arrive at Starbucks last night for a coffee date, I happened to run into a sorority sister of mine. So excited to see her pretty face I jumped up to say hello and hug her neck. Half-way through our chatting I began to feel buzzing, no, vibrating along the right side of my body. Frantically searching through pockets, stopping mid sentence of relaying my story to her, I couldn't figure out where my dang phone was. As my dear sister watched with a glint of amusement in her eyes, I stripped off my coat and patted down my body searching incessantly for my cell only to realize that my cell phone was indeed in my purse and no where near my body. I'm so caffeinated my own body is vibrating...

Peculiarity #4: While the body is trying to chug along in its sleep deprived state, your emotions will take over all coherent thoughts and logical reasoning causing you to become a raging lunatic at any given moment. Symptoms include crying for no apparent reason, inability to process confusing or vague statements/texts that often leads to panic, frustration and inevitably more crying from lack of being able to think your way out of a paper bag. You are prone to obscenely loud outbursts at simple realizations--beware friends may find you to be hysterical or crazy especially if the outburst happens in a car. While you're driving. Symptoms can last anywhere from two to four hours. Simple solution for the problem: rest and relaxation. As if...

After today I will be taking my own advice, sleeping, trying to catch up so I can at least seem semi-human again. I swear I've never been so scatter brained in my life or felt more like a walking zombie. The good news is I've survived the semester and am now one year away from finishing my masters! Huzzah! And now, I must go make another pot of coffee or I'll have to resort to chewing on coffee grinds. Gross.

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